Final Choices
by sleepyguy1717
Summary: Examine the thoughts of Asuka after she has been mind raped by the 15th Angel as well as her feelings for Shinji. This is a much better remake of one of my older stories.


Title: Final Choices

Author: Sleepyguy1717

Rating: T

Chapter: Hatred

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Ok guys. This is my first fanfic in a VERY long time. I have a ton of uncompleted ones that I'm just going to finish instead of having a graveyard in My Documents. This was originally intended to be a "Choose Your Own Adventure" story but only made it to the Asuka adventure before I found out that those kinds of stories weren't allowed. So since Asuka is my favorite character, and episode 22 is one of my favorites as well, this story will be about what's running through the Second Child's head after being "mind raped". During this episode, several words kept shooting across the screen as the Angel attacked Asuka. Each chapter will be named with one of these words and discuss who each word COULD have been talking about. I have only chosen seven that I know of for sure. If anybody has a list of all of the words translated please PM me. Remember this is fiction, and offers no evidence to the actual anime. As always Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by Gainax and not me.

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Despite the bustle and chaos happening in the aftermath of current events, all was still. Life was still. Nature was still. The air was silent and the wind didn't blow. The surrounding trees stayed quiet. The sea waters miles ahead remained motionless. All of Earth was looking at her. Her and her failure. They gawked at her eyes that were becoming damp with salty tears. They gazed at her flaws, like cuts all over her body. They peered at her open heart. Wounded for all the world to see. "I failed." She says. How is that even feasible? She is Asuka Sohryu Langley.

Asuka heard footsteps from behind her. Shinji she thought. The air becomes uncomfortable and tense whenever he decides to come around. The footsteps stopped when Ikari arrived and there was silence for several moments.

He has nothing to say. He never has anything to say. What good is he? He's useless! He can't relate to people whatsoever, so why does he even try? He should give up! He is disgusting! Why does he bother? Why is he here? To mock me... That's it. He is one of them...one of the colossal mass that mocks me. They all want to mock me. Misato, Ritsuko, Kaji, Rei. All of these thoughts buzzed around in Asukas head as her mind became cloudier and foggier than it had before.

"I am glad as you're OK, Asuka," Shinji said in an almost genuine sincerity. What did he say? Asuka concentrated on what he was going on about but could not decipher it. What did it matter now? She had fallen. She was inferior. The angel had infected her and there was nothing left to do but die.

"Shut up!" He was mocking her. "Who are you calling OK?" I am worth nothing now. "It's the worst." No one thinks I'm special anymore. No one thinks of me as important. "I was rescued by that girl!" Its her fault. She put me in front of the Angel. She tampered with my synch scores. "Rescued by that damned girl!" Everyone loves her. Everyone watches her. They don't look at me anymore. "I would rather die than that." That doll...saved by a doll...

Shinji looked at Asuka, with fear in his face. What could he do while she was in this state? While she was like this? It was terrifying to him. All he could do was walk away. Run away like he always did. And he didn't look back.

As Asuka sat their, huddled in a fetal ball on the cold cement, her life began to collapse on itself. Her entire being began to rebel against her, stinging her flesh like needles. There she stayed the entire night, feeling the harsh reality of what was becoming of her life. In the least audible voice she could muster, Asuka whispered, "I hate everyone." I hate dolls...named Rei.

And there she stayed as the Earth laid still and listened to her thoughts.

-  
In the elevator, the bright, monotonous light droned into Asuka's eyes. She rubbed her eyelids as she leaned against the glassy metal of the elevator. I need to change my underwear, she thought. One monthly visitor cannot effect my synch tests this dramatically. Not the top pilot. What is it? Its not me. It can't be. I'm the top pilot. I can't let the Angels attack while my guard is down. I have to be ready. I have to be the best. Then they'll notice me-

"You're not worthy anymore." Asuka's eyes shot open in surprise, as her arms shot down in a defensive stance. There in the bright, humming light of the elevator stood Rei Ayanami. Asuka's eyes furrowed in anger. How dare she...how dare she interrupt a private moment.

"Where did you come from? Don't you have any respect for your superiors? When someone is having a private moment and is deep in thought, its-"

"You're not worthy of being superior anymore," Rei stated blandly, her tone void of expression. Asuka, lowered her arms from her angry position and stared into the plain girl's eyes. The First Child's red eyes told nothing about the soul within. She was a code that could not be cracked, a language that could not be deciphered. She stood with no confidence at all, yet she was more intimidating than the most gruesome and ferocious beasts. Asuka's eyes reflected this fear for they began to open and lose their confident and powerful stare.

"What are you saying? I can't...I can't...can't understand...this...you." Asuka stuttered as the words dripped pathetically from her lips. Rei stepped forward, closing in on Asuka, and backing her into the corner. She snatched at her left forearm and for some reason, squeezed it violently but subtlety all in the same swift motion. Yet, during all of this action, her face remained a blank canvas, presenting no emotional colors at all. Asuka lifted up her arm to protest against the oncoming confrontation, but her right arm went limp and fell to her side. All she could do was move her confused pupils from her arm to Rei.

"You are not special any longer, Second." What are you saying? "You've failed NERV and the Eva." You're lying. "You did not open your heart to Eva." No, I did. You don't know. "Therefore she did not move." I tried. I can do it, I know I can. "I was correct and you did not listen. You are not suitable to be a pilot any longer." Shut up. "You are not invincible anymore." Shut up. "You are not the best any longer." Shut up! "You are nobody."

SHUT UP!

The next thing Asuka knew, Rei was pinned up to the elevator wall. A black handled knife stood erect out of the expressionless girl's belly. Her plain green, school uniform began to soak in the blood from the wound. The blood expanded its shape, eating the fabric as it began to drip on the floor.

"I am the best! You are nothing you damned girl! I am the top pilot! You have no meaning in this life! What do you do everyday? You contribute nothing to anything! You can't talk to humans! You can only relate to Ikari-san! Because he is your commander, he becomes your life in turn! I have life! I am worth something! If I disappeared the fate of the world would be at stake! If you disappeared no one would take a second look! I am the most powerful Eva pilot! I am needed. I am, I am, I AM! I'M WANTED!"

Rei's head hung down from the wound, but now it twisted up words to stare Asuka straight in the face. Asuka stepped back, letting go of the black handled knife in fright. The girl still bore no expression on her face.

"Shinji-kun would care."

Asuka somehow suddenly moved from standing to laying on the floor. This time around, the black handled knife jutted out of her own abdomen. Rei lay on top of Asuka, pinning her down into the floor, in the crucified position. Rei's wound was still apparent, and crimson blood dripped onto Asuka's skirt.

"You cannot take everything from me. I won't let you," Asuka whispered in her pathetic state. She said it, but could not believe it.

Rei looked down onto Asuka's face from above. She stared into Asuka's pathetic, "less than human" expression for a long while. Taking in the pitiful girl's life. She was not worth anything anymore. She has fallen from grace. No matter how many times Asuka told herself that people still wanted her, it would not come true. She had lost all ability to live. And it was her own fault that she could not drag herself out the hole she dug herself into.

"I can take it." Rei said blandly in response to Asuka. Asuaka's head turned slightly to stare more directly into Rei's blank face.

"You can take it." Asuka said dully before she could stop herself. Rei lifted her hands that pinned down Asuka, but Asuka did not make any effort to shove Rei aside. Rei moved her hands slowly above Asuka's chest. Asuka turned to look directly at Rei and take in all of her actions. Rei slowly lowered her hands closer and closer to Asuka's chest. Suddenly, an AT Field appeared, blocking Rei's hands. This is God's gift to me. He wants me to go on. He wants me to be worth something, Asuka thought. Rei pushed her hands forward, her face still not moving. Not long after it had appeared, the AT Field shattered. Asuka thought to herself of the end. Rei pushed her hands onto Asuka's breasts and they seeped through the girl's chest. Asuka saw many images go by her face. Gendo Ikari praising Rei over her. The ghost of Kaji enjoying Rei's company. Misato moving Rei's belongings into her own room. Asuka's peers inviting Rei into their bosom.

All of these images moved by Asuka's eyes as Rei pushed her hands farther and farther into the depths of Asuka's soul, without so much as a twitch.

She saw Shinji. Asuka's eyes widened. He was embracing Rei. Asuka's head snapped to attention. Shinji leaned into Rei. Asuka's heart began to race. Shinji placed his hand upon the blue-haired girl's face. Asuka clutched her hands into fists. Shinji kissed Rei.

"SHINJI-KUN!"

-  
Asuka looked up from her crunched up position. It was getting dark. All of the chaotic noise and fuss over the 15th Angel had passed, as NERV workers left the office to settle into their homes with their families. They weren't even looking at her in disgust now. They just weren't looking.

Asuka looked out into the distance, making out the shape of a figure hovering in the air. "You are a doll. Nothing more."

"You are a failure. Nothing more." Rei stated just as plainly as Asuka had.

"You're right. Am I failure as a pilot?"

"Yes."

"Do I have any worth anymore?"

"No."

"Does NERV want me anymore?"

"No."

"Can I defeat the Angels with Eva?"

"No."

"Am I imperfect?"

"Yes."

"Am I needed?"

"No."

"Does Shinji want me?"

"No."

In reality, Misato ran up the stairs to the balcony. She looked around frantically, calling for Asuka. Asuka was to in depth with her own insanity to hear her calls. "Asuka! Asuka, where are you? Its time to come home! You can't stay out here all-Asuka!" Misato snapped her head to the left seeing Asuka curled up in a ball. She ran over there as best she could in high heels and shook the pilot gently. Her plug suit was cold and lonely. She called to the girl like a mother waking an infant. "Asuka, get up. Lets go home. It's been a long day. Shinji is waiting for you."

"The doll...its taken everything. Its taken my life."

"Asuka? Asuka are you ok?" Misato looked onto the pilots blank face with concern. Asuka was scaring her.

"There is no reason to live anymore. I'm not needed."

"Asuka, what are you talking about? Of course you're needed."

"No. I couldn't defeat the Angel. I have weakness. I'm not seen as perfect, therefore I am no longer special. I have no purpose if I can not be the best. If I can't defeat the Angels I cannot exist. I cannot exist with flaws. There is nothing that sets me apart from a doll unless I'm perfect. The Angel has taken Asuka. She is not longer here. She is no longer necessary." And then she began to repeat herself.

Misato interrupted her. "Asuka, Asuka! What is this? Who told you, you weren't needed?"

"The doll. She says...I'm not wanted...I hate her."

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Ok first chapter is complete. This is kind of dark, but then again it IS an Evangelion fic so darkness is pretty much a must. The first part of the chapter is the tail end of episode 22. The second part of the chapter goes into Asuka's mind as she deals with her failure. The end of this is Asuka's summary of what she's experienced. Even though Misato insists she is still needed, Asuka thinks that because she fails that she is no different than any other person making her not needed to pilot Unit 02 or wanted by Shinji-kun So that's that. First chapter down. Please stay tuned to the rest of the story. Reviews would make me SO happy! And if your reading this right now, so many years from now thinking, "Gee I wish this guy would update" go ahead and review. The reviews will come to my email and I'll probably sit down and update just for you. So that's it. Join me in the next chapter "Double Suicide". DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!  
-SleepS 


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